Sunday, December 26, 2010

I'm shocked!

I went out yesterday and met this korean girl that has been in the states for a little over 10 years. As we were talking about New York, the differences between living here and in Europe/Korea it became appartent to me that she was a highly educated and well travelled person with lots of interesting stories to tell. Anyways, after a while we started talking about the dating scene in New York and what our preferences in terms of partners were. I had the feeling that the conversation was going really well and she actually took an interest in me. And then I heard something that really shocked me. Although this woman did not know me and met me for the first time in her life, she felt comfortable enough to tell me that she thinks black people (she specifically called out blacks, east indians, filipinos and thais) are dirty. I was shocked! Not that I haven't hear any racist comments from people before, but the reason I was so shocked was twofold. For one, it was coming from an obviously formally highly educated and well travelled person and secondly the fact that she was a woman. Typically when you hear this kind of stuff it's guys who are saying it, not women. Especially not "smart" women. However, after I heard that, the conversation went down the hill quickly. She realized and clearly saw that I was not feeling her statement at all. I didn't bother to tell her that I think that this was an absolutely stupid thing to say, but I decided to leave her with a few thoughts that I guess surprised her. I told her how much I adore black women and that I have dated them for years, which judging by her reaction was a shock to her, since she did, for whatever reason, not expect me to be attracted to black women. A few minutes after that I left the scene and was very confused about what I just experienced. Anyways, on my way home I saw plenty of gorgeous black women and could just not understand how anyone might ever consider them dirty. Sometimes it's a crazy world we are living in.

37 comments:

  1. As a black women no form of prejugdice fron anyone shocks me . I have grown to expect it and i'm actually caught off guard when the other shoe doesn't drop quickly. I live in NYC and I work in an environment with women of all diffrent ethnicities and my toughest critics about my preference for dating white men are the white, korean and filipino women. I get the sense that they feel as if though I am beautiful and accomplished that a white man can possibly want something serious with a black women.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad that you left her shocked. That's what she deserved. I'm only 17, but I know how it feels to be discriminated against. It's sad because in school, they're still teaching us how Blacks (mainly everyone) is treated and looked upon as equal and that's a blatant lie. Btw, I love your blog. Well, my friends and I do. We love us some white guys. LOL. And we've actually had good luck in the Caucasian men department.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Anonymus: They are clearly jealous of you, otherwise they wouldn't bother to talk about it. Keep on dating whomever you like :-)

    @Maya: Thanks, I'm really glad you and your friends enjoy my blog. I don't doubt you have good luck with caucasian men, since there a quite a lot of us that adore black women.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi and Happy New Years.

    I like your blog and the blue color is gives off a happy tone. I have passed by here a few times. That girl you blogged about probably thought you would have the same feelings. Quite a few aw do believe they are the top choices for most men. More and more AA women are opening up to dating and marrying other race men, so that AW need to get used to it.

    Ann- New Orleans

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks Ann, glad you like it. Yeah, I think in her mind a white guy would not possibly be interested in a black woman. Well, I guess she miscalculated in this case. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm glad you answered her: she probably thought that you could be trusted in not liking blacks, phillipinos, etc. I'm also happy to see dark chocolate black women being wanted as wives, girlfriends, etc. by 'middle class' type white men---colorism has really affected black girls psyche. Although it still continues among the black community, its starting to change after soo many years

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am married to a white man that I've been with for 10 years. Several times when I go get my hair done at a black hair salon or if I am in the company of a few black folks at work, I have to speak up when something racist is said about white people. They can't even fathom that I might have white people who are best friends of mine or white people that I may love with all my heart. I"ve taken to leaving pictures of my husband and son very visible at work (my husband does that too) just to interrupt any jerks who think they are free to spew their ignorance. Maybe it's a good thing for people to admit their racism or prejudice so people who don't feel the same way can share their feelings, too. Maybe minds can be changed.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Whoa. Sounds like she needs some black friends!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ignorance is still prevalent, sadly, across the board. People can use the excuse that they grew up thinking this way, but they choose to hold on to their beliefs when they grow up and get out into the world. Stereotypes are myths perceived as facts. I think I've heard just about every ridiculous comment there is about IRR and I let it go in one ear and out of the other.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Would be interesting to find out if she keeps her mouth shut next time or if she changes her ignorant views.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Shurl: Love the fact that the two of you speak up and show that you are proud of each other. It shouldn't be any other way. It's important to show the ignorant that they are on the wrong track.

    @FunkyStarkitty50: I have heard many stories from different people that get stupid comments here and there. I think some people will never change no matter what, unfortunately.

    @Anonymous: I am sure she'll think twice about being so open with someone she doesn't really know. However I don't believe she will change her views.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi & Thank you to the author of this post for "shocking" that AW with your honesty and truth!! And as another commenter said here---prejudice from some people does not shock me and as more black women date and marry more and more middle class white men such as yourself the more the true nature of our (bw) beauty and obvious committed nature as wife material will become apparent!

    Thanks for setting the record straight for us!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. @MsMellody: I just couldn't take the arrogance in which she conveyed her silly ideas. Plus thinking about all the beautiful, smart black women that I know I felt as if she was insulting me, so I had to say something.

    ReplyDelete
  14. "...I felt as if she was insulting me.."

    @Adoring...That is a good abservation.

    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  15. I wouldn't be surprised if she was secretly jealous inside of beautiful black, east indian, thais, filipino women!
    I must point out that even though she is 'highly educated and travels a lot' its no excuse for her to NOT be racist.
    Remember people who are prejudice come in all walks of life. (Lot's of Politicians are highly educated and prejudice).
    Love reading your blog by the way!

    ReplyDelete
  16. A woman can be 'book smart' in certain subjects but lack experience and knowledge in other areas of life. Knowledge about the way people of color live and operate is just one of those areas she does not understand. Therefore, she assumes the worst based on what she sees on tv and what her family & community tells her. As a Nigerian/Jamaican woman I am not defending her ignorance but I do believe she needs to be educated about us for her own good.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Michelle: You're a more forgiving person than I am then, which I guess is a good thing. You are right though, people who never interact with a certain group often base their assumptions on what is protrayed in today's mainstream media and what their parents/community taught them. I still don't understand why many people limit their circle of friends (and potential dating pool) to people of their own community. Wouldn't we all benefit from learning new things from each other?

    ReplyDelete
  18. not surprised at all! you have no idea how racist some asians are. guess it shocked her because she wasn't expecting a white guy to actually be attracted to black women. many of them are surprised to learn that there are many white men who actually prefer to date a black woman over them. i think you did right! and btw, just because a person might be book smart and have a degree doesn't mean that the education they've received has eradicated prejudiced from their hearts and minds. it takes much more than a university degree to uproot those deep seated feelings.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Finally, it is about time w/men begin to see some Asian women are just as under handed as anyother race of woman. Has anyone seen the movie, "What happens in Vegas" with Carmen Diaz and Ashton Kutcher? Check out the Asian woman character, funny movie.

    sheila

    ReplyDelete
  20. Im white and I dont even like white girls. Most of them are sensetive and fragile and dont have the guts to tell me their opinon. In fact im going out with a beautiful black girl right now.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This isn't the first time I've heard this. My mom is from the south and white folks down there believed that blacks were dirty. My mom is the biggest neat freak I know and she sites this as the reason. It was passed to her by her mother who always said, "Soap is cheap. Just because you're poor doesn't mean you have to be dirty." She kept my mom and her siblings spit shined! Seems a little contradictory to me though. Think about it. Back then a lot of blacks were maids and housekeepers, my grandmother included. Why would you assume someone who cleans your house is dirty? Makes no sense! So glad you left her with a piece of your mind!

    ReplyDelete
  22. BTW, digging the blog, my first time here.

    ReplyDelete
  23. @angi465: Thank you, glad to hear you enjoy reading my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm not surprised with her assuming that the minority groups she mentioned are considered dirty in her mind. She was raised to believe that and keep it dear to her heart because her parents and others in her environment believe it. It stems from religion that dark is any negative connotation "evil, dirty, bad, etc". Majority of Asians and India cultures think the darker you are the worst you are in society an out cast. Hence the Caste system in India and Asia thinks anyone in southern asian countries are dirty because they are darker any Asian with light skin are better...Filipinos are always getting the short end of the deal among other asians. Just like majority of blacks have internal conflicts with dark skin vs light skin. The reason why especially dark skin women get hung up on light vs dark is ones who been teased and do not date outside their race get in their minds of black men especially dark skin men do not select or even ask their female counterparts out they rather choose a lighter black women if they can not date a latina, bi-racial woman, or white. With that being said I think that is why majority of dark skin black women who dont date outside their race get more angry at black dark skin men who only prefer to date light or outside their race. While black women who DO date outside of their race some might be affected but do care because their prospects in dating is increased when you give the nice white guy a chance. :) I wish more black women would give other men a chance....the sad thing society has made it acceptable for a black man to but a black woman the opposite coupled with majority do not want to go there.

    In the south and midwest...Ive heard whites saying blacks are dirty or have an interesting body odor...Its astonishing that people think about each other...especially the so called educated ones.
    abraxas247@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. She actually sounds like one of those Asian girls that tries really hard to assert how white they think they are so that they can hook up with a white man. Fun part is that girls like that usually tend to be slutty as fuck.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I like this blog; I am new to this dating outside your race thing. I have met a Very nice White Guy who seem's to Love me to life, we have know each other now for one year and now I am the one who's getting cold feet about the relationship because I feel somethings that I have never felt before and that is true Love. He makes me feel so wanted and needed and this is scary to me.... Help my confusion.....

    ReplyDelete
  27. Great blog, and I think you handled that situation well, letting that girl know how you see black women. It might have been the first time she encountered a guy like you (actually, I'm sure of it) and it definitely gave her something to think about. If we are to see the end of discrimination based on physical characteristics, we need to show people there's another way. Please though everyone, don't fall into the trap of discriminating/stereotyping back at that girl. It just reinforces what we don't want to see anymore. Also, @Shurl: awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  28. My wife's Korean... Korean's are very full of themselves and their country. They think anyone with skin darker than their own skin is dirty, and they think people from other asian countries who aren't darker than them are either perverted (Japan) or mentally ill and trashy (China).

    She hated me for almost a month after she found out she was the lightest skinned girl I've ever slept with. Still, she refers to my one ex as "the burnt one".

    Seriously though... this is how most Korean women are.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The most beautiful women on the face of the earth have black skin. Only problem is, black men are self loving hemp rope suckers. Black women feel used (and they are) by baby daddies. You know, the men who use You as fuck puppies. They rely on GOV.COM and ESPN to call them men. All the while hating a man, who is man enough to treat a LADY like the Queen she is. It's all upside down and inside out ya'll.
    Love Ya.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well the reason why she may had said that was to impress you. I know it sounds weird but let me explain. A lot of non white people think that all white people are alike and have the same view of black people. There is also an inferioty complex some people have, so they want to appear more culturaly close to white people;you know fit in the white crowd. So to make themselves appear more white they say racist things about black people(its stupid I know)Why else would she say that out of nowhere

    The problem with people like her is that they will never realise that they will never be seen as white ,no matter how much they distance themselves from other coloured poeple

    ReplyDelete
  31. im 57 yr old white guy ive had it with white woman they all seem to think you owe them a living take you to court and clean the lint out your pockets im done with the lazy ones im lookin for one of the ebony ladys that work and wants to love a white man

    ReplyDelete
  32. This pathetic coming from an Asian of all people after the way the media treats them you'd think they'd be a bit more open minded. I have seen the "wannabe" white asian bit so many times, they'll ONLY make friends with white girls because they think it makes them more socially accepted when in most cases they are just the asian girl in the group.

    Asian countries actually have it worst with the dark skinned vs light skinned issue. Their industries for skin lightening products is sickening the amount of acids and chemicals they put on their skin is crazy. She does sound like one of those wannabe white asians who've grown to think darker skin is bad and im happy you shocked her maybe thats what she needed. She was definitely expecting you to agree and start a good racist rant about it all in some pathetic bid to impress you. Thats probably the most unattractive behaviour.

    I find it sad after all they have accomplished that so many Asians are so white washed in everything they do and so many are ashamed to be one of them. Look at their media they photo shop the models eyes and lighten their skin tone so they look more western. I actually feel sorry for people who think like her . . forever alone.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm an African American woman of course, being that this site caters to black women in interracial relationships. My European American husband and I were holding hands walking in the mall one day and an African American man whispered in my ear as he walked pass me saying, " Not bad, you did a good job picking a good white man for yourself because black men no longer want black women." It didn't bother me so I kept walking. Other men want black women if black men don't want them.

    At a different time, a European American man said to us, "We need to break up to save our race to see who defeats who in the end." Some people would rather inbreed because they are too scared to love others outside of their family in case of a violent race War.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm an African American woman of course, being that this site caters to black women in interracial relationships. My European American husband and I were holding hands walking in the mall one day and an African American man whispered in my ear as he walked pass me saying, " Not bad, you did a good job picking a good white man for yourself because black men no longer want black women." It didn't bother me so I kept walking. Other men want black women if black men don't want them.

    At a different time, a European American man said to us, "We need to break you up to save our race to see who defeats who in the end." Some people would rather inbreed because they are too scared to love others outside of their family in case of a violent race War.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I meet many brave white men who approach me and other black women. Thank God for brave white men who don't let their family's hate stop them from loving a black woman. If it's not meant to be, it will end on it's own. People have no right to judge who we love. We must let a person love whomever they love or hate will kill us early, from inside.

    I am still with my white husband after 20 years because he refuses to let jealous people split us up. I love him for approaching me. Dark Chocolate is very good for the heart. Everybody should love dark rich chocolate. We're inspired by whiteguyswholoveblackwomen.blogspot.com, interracialintersection.com, blackwomenwhitemen.wordpress.com and www.meetup.com/interracial-couples-of-new-orleans

    ReplyDelete
  36. Some people are just too lazy to get to know others. Well all we can do is pity them

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Asian woman whom this thread is about is not lazy. She's scared, fearful, threatened and intimidated when it comes to black women because we are wanted by white men, too.

      Delete